[Golden Pen 2020] Fragments of Memories…

This article by Nguyen Son Tung was submitted for the Golden Pen 2020 contest, and the editorial team has only adjusted the presentation to fit.

FRAGMENTS OF MEMORIES

My generation was born and grew up at a time when the gaming industry began to develop rapidly, which is why I was fortunate to accompany and immerse myself in the “wonderful world” that this industry offers. I experienced everything from the legendary NES and SNES consoles from Nintendo to Sony’s PlayStation revolution…and of course, the online gaming storm as well. However, what I cherish most about gaming, regardless of the time or the game… are the emotions, the feelings, the relationships I formed, and the special people I have always cherished to this day. The story I am about to share is about someone like that.

I have always loved games since I was a child. But if we talk about truly enjoying games and immersing myself in them, expressing my feelings for them, it wasn’t until 2001, when I was a high school student, that I truly understood. And she was the one who accompanied me throughout this journey. Her name is Hai Yen, a very special and unforgettable friend to me. I still vividly remember the first time I met her in a PS1 game café on Truong Dinh street.

That afternoon, as usual after school, I stopped by my favorite gaming café to relax. While I was still hesitating whether to play Tekken 3 or MK4 (the Dark Dragon game), I saw her. I should add that nowadays, in 2020, it’s quite normal to see a girl in an internet café jumping to Au, playing LOL, or shooting PUBG, but nearly 20 years ago, it was rare to see a schoolgirl in uniform hanging out in a PS1 game café.

Not only that, but the game she was playing wasn’t some cute chibi game like Racing Animals or Racing Foxes; she was playing Final Fantasy VIII. Yes, you read that right, FF8, the turn-based RPG with 4 discs. At that moment, I was truly surprised and a bit in awe, the first time I saw Yen summon GF Shiva and defeat Ifrit was so cool that I almost blurted out “big sister”. FF8 is a tough game with complex systems, requiring a good level of English, so Yen faced many difficulties. I remember she always carried a thick dictionary, playing while reading the dialogues of the characters and looking up translations. The next day I still saw Yen playing, the day after that too, for a whole week, it seemed she was very passionate and had become a regular customer…

Then one beautiful Sunday, I arrived late to the game café and all the machines were taken. Just as I was about to look for another place, I saw Yen again. I don’t know what made me decide to take a seat next to her and watch her play. We didn’t have any typical small talk; at first, it was just awkward questions, but after I helped her translate some lines from Cid, we became more comfortable and started chatting animatedly. I asked her why she was playing that game, and Yen said she also liked playing games but didn’t like football games. As for fighting games like I usually played, she thought they were childish and immature; she preferred deeper and more challenging RPGs…

Hearing her say that made me a bit self-pitying, but I didn’t know why, listening to her talk passionately in that sweet voice, I felt somewhat convinced. After a few days of watching and helping her play, I also started to get hooked, and finally, after about a week, when we had become more familiar and daring, we decided to play together, saving time and brainpower, as well as money, and more importantly, gaming with a friend is always more fun.

After a few sessions, I must admit that FF8 was truly too difficult for us students; the dictionary only helped us through the initial quests of the game, after which it became a nightmare. It took us 5 or 6 days to finally complete the field test mission in Dollet because the boss Elvoret and the machine crab were very annoying and troublesome.

However, the harder it was, the more we enjoyed it, and when we overcame challenges, our emotions exploded with joy. I remember when Squall, Zell, and Selphie were officially recognized as SeeD, Yen and I celebrated by having a banana cake and Coca-Cola. Each phase, each achievement in the game was tied to the joyful feelings and memories of me and Yen, sometimes frantic when executing the plan to kidnap the fake President Deling, and sometimes excited and nervous when plotting to assassinate Edea.

The most memorable moment was when we completed disc 1 of the game, when Squall was pierced through the chest by Edea’s Ice Strike, Yen was so scared that Squall would die, she was crying a lot, and I had to comfort her for a long time before she calmed down, while the café owner was laughing heartily.

After that, we continued with disc 2, and I remember that the opening of disc 2 was the dream mission of Laguna in Winhill; the background music of this flashback is titled Fragments of Memories, a very beautiful piece that we both loved. Yen even saved a separate file at this moment just to occasionally listen to the music again.

Back then, being clueless about information and with the internet not being developed yet, we had no way of knowing the name of the song, but it didn’t matter; we still listened to it together. Yen said that whenever she heard Fragments of Memories, she felt a strange peace mixed with a sense of regret that she couldn’t quite express. She was truly addicted to this piece. If only we had known more about it at that time.

And so, with joyful and delightful feelings, Yen and I continued to accompany the game’s characters through new processes, although very slowly. We escaped from D-District prison together, attacked the missile base together, rescued Balamb Garden together, and invaded Fisherman’s Horizon together…

For over half a year, Yen and I were closely bonded both in-game and in real life; we became very close friends despite being in different schools and classes. That half a year was also the best time of my student life. Then the real nightmare hit us; it has been nearly 20 years, but I still remember that day very clearly.

That afternoon, we had just completed disc 2, we had defeated Seifer and Edea to end the battle between the two Gardens. We were supposed to go celebrate as usual, but Yen said she felt a bit sad because her favorite character, Rinoa, was in a coma after the battle, and it was getting late, so she wanted to go home. She promised me that tomorrow, when we moved to disc 3 and found a way to heal Rinoa, we would go to Trang Tien for ice cream to celebrate. We laughed and joked for a while before saying goodbye and heading home.

The next day, I finished school early and went to the game café first, but I waited and waited for her to show up. An hour passed, then two… and when it got dark, Yen still didn’t come, and she would never be able to come again because that night she passed away, trying to protect her mother and younger sister from her drunken and violent father. It took more than a week for me to find out; I learned through the café owner, who said a regular customer near Yen’s house informed him. That moment was truly a difficult one for me. The feeling of a young boy, who had never lost a loved one, facing it for the first time was truly terrible. I was sad, lost, in pain, and discouraged… wanting to cry but unable to, only feeling a deep, suffocating melancholy filling my chest.

Hai Yen left too soon, too quickly. She left behind her family, friends, teachers, and me with memories, leaving the SeeD group with an unfinished journey. Losing someone so close seemed to make my world dull; during that time, I became closed off and indifferent, only knowing how to eat, study, and sleep. No football, no chess, and of course, no gaming. Those hobbies and passions that used to be part of my daily life truly did not help me at all; nothing at that time could ease this loss. I guess I missed Yen very much, very much, even to this day.

After enduring one of the coldest winters of the decade and then a scorching summer, I estimate I lived in that sorrow for about 8 or 9 months, and I began to learn how to accept the reality, accepting that she had gone to a better place and could not return. And just when the scar on my soul was soothed by time, I made a decision and resolved to finish it, to complete our unfinished game.

Even though I knew I would have to go alone, I was determined to do it, for Yen and for myself. And with such iron determination, after more than a year, right in the final days of my student life, I truly “conquered” the game Final Fantasy VIII. The moment the SeeD team defeated Ultimecia and Griever (her GF), I cried like a child despite the teasing laughter of the other customers in the café. Only the café owner came over, silently offering me a pat on the back for encouragement and understanding; perhaps he understood my feelings in that moment.

In a moment when many would rejoice and celebrate finishing a difficult game, I was in tears, crying because this achievement was no different from the ones I had achieved since disc 3; I had captured Odin, found the city of Esthar, traveled to space and witnessed Lunar Cry, I had also found the Ragnarok spaceship, rescued Rinoa and defeated Adel, and before destroying Ultimecia, I had also wreaked havoc in her castle. I had overcome everything…I had done it…but…what was it all for? Those things became meaningless because the truth was my friend, the one who had always been by my side since the first steps of the game, was no longer here to witness these moments. And when this game ended, I understood that this would be my final farewell wave to her, which is why I couldn’t hold back my tears.

Time gradually passed, and now nearly 20 years have gone by since that day, I still love games; I have played all types of games, played on many advanced platforms, played in modern, comfortable centers, and played with many new friends, but no game and no one can bring me the joy, excitement, and happiness… like when I played with Hai Yen in that cramped PS1 game café.

I still remember her, remember her eyes, her smile, remember her sweet voice; sometimes they still appear in my mind and bring me peace. I will always cherish those fragments of memories for the rest of my life, so that one day, when I can meet her again in the other world, we will surely discuss animatedly and laugh joyfully like the old days. Definitely like that.